HOPE AFTER HURT

Hurting Deeply. Healing Loudly. Rising Stronger.

Tag: motherhood

  • Life Update

    Hey everyone,

    I’m sorry I’ve been so MIA these last few months — life has been a lot, in the best and hardest ways, and I finally feel ready to sit down and catch you all up.

    Let’s start with the good news… SURPRISE! We’re having another baby.
    This little one was a shock to us, but a very welcomed one. Another child was always something we envisioned for our family. Even after the betrayal, it was a topic we approached carefully and honestly, and we both agreed that expanding our family still felt right for us. My husband has grown so much over the past year, and watching him step up as a father in such meaningful ways has been healing for both of us. We’re excited for this next chapter and can’t wait to meet our new addition.

    With this beautiful news has also come a lot of emotional work for me.
    Pregnancy has been a major trigger in my healing journey. It was during my last pregnancy that my husband’s mental health declined and things began to change, so stepping into pregnancy again has brought some of those memories back to the surface. I’ve really had to ground myself in the present and remind myself that this is a different chapter, with a very different version of him — and of me.

    There have been moments where I’ve needed reassurance, and that’s okay. Sometimes he struggles with it because he feels like I’m “bringing it all back up” or “throwing it in his face,” which I’m not. I’ve explained to him that choosing to stay doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened — it means working together. Seeking reassurance isn’t about punishment; it’s about support. And healing sometimes requires exactly that.

    Around the same time we found out I was pregnant, both of my grandparents became unwell and ended up in the hospital. My Granddad was diagnosed with a nasty cancer, and my Grandmother contracted Influenza A. They spent two months in and out of hospital, and during that time I stepped into the role of supporting my Grandmother.

    Sadly, my Grandmother passed away, and the grief has been immeasurable.
    It’s been such a strange, heavy season — grieving someone I was incredibly close to while also growing a new life. It has been two months since her passing, and I wish I could say it has gotten easier, but it hasn’t. I think about her every day and dream about her almost every night. I know grief has no timeline, and I’m just trying to give myself grace as I move through it.

    I’m trusting that the universe only gives me what I can handle. And so far, 2025 has tested that theory — but it has also taught me so much about resilience, love, and choosing hope even when it feels heavy. I’m still here, stronger than ever, and doing my best to take life one moment at a time.

    I hope everyone has been doing okay, and that you’re continuing to rise beyond the betrayal,
    Sarah xx

  • 5 Things That Helped Me in the Early Days After Infidelity

    Firstly, if you’re here reading this because you’ve found yourself in a situation similar to mine — I’m so sorry. Infidelity is gut-wrenching. It’s something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. If you’re in the thick of it, please know you’re not alone.

    I created Hope After Hurt to help other women navigate life after betrayal — to share what helped me survive, and eventually start to heal. There are many things that can support you on this journey, and I’ll be exploring them more deeply in upcoming posts. But today, I want to share the five things that helped me most in those early, painful days.

    1. Counselling — Together and Alone

    The number one thing that helped both me and my husband in the initial stages after I found out about the affair was couples counselling. I know how fortunate we are to have had access to it — especially in today’s economic climate. It’s not cheap, and the cost can be a barrier for many. But if you’re considering it, I really encourage you to shop around. In my experience, session prices ranged anywhere from $90 to $500 depending on the provider, and there are more affordable options out there.

    Individual counselling has also been incredibly beneficial for me. It gave me a safe space to vent, reflect, and learn tools to support my mental health. People often say things like, “You’re so strong,” or “You handled that so well.” And while I appreciate those words, the truth is — my mental health took a massive hit. I was shattered. I felt shattered. Therapy helped pull me out of those dark places. It reminded me of my worth and gave me strategies to start rebuilding who I was.

    2. Journalling (In a Way That Worked for Me)

    I’ve had a bit of a love/hate relationship with journalling over the years. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it overwhelms me. During this time, I threw out the rules and did it my way — no prompts, no pressure. Just a place to unload the chaos in my mind.

    It helped me process intrusive thoughts and also made communication with my husband clearer. I’m the type of person who, if I don’t say something right away, I’ll forget — and then bring it up at the worst moment. Journalling helped me figure out whether something was worth raising or if it was something I could work through on my own. It became a quiet space to organise the emotional mess.

    3. Esther Perel’s Work

    I’ve been a long-time follower of Esther Perel — therapist, speaker, and New York Times bestselling author — so I turned to her work almost immediately. Her book The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity was a game-changer. She explores why people cheat and how, in some cases, an affair can be the beginning of a new marriage — with the same partner.

    She also hosts the podcast Where Should We Begin?, which features real couples in therapy sessions. Listening was eye-opening and validating. It helped me feel less alone, and more empowered by seeing how others faced (and worked through) similar situations.

    4. Being Present with My Son

    My son is the light of my life. But I promised to be honest here — and the truth is, I wasn’t a good mum in the first month after I found out. I was numb, disconnected. I cried — a lot — even in front of him. I didn’t want to parent. I was shutting down.

    Slowly, as I started to re-engage and be present with him, I felt pieces of myself come back. Focusing on the moment — not the pain of the past or fear of the future — helped me breathe again. It’s hard to stay stuck in the dark when a toddler is grabbing your hand and pulling you into joy, giggles, and mischief.

    5. Focusing on Me (For the First Time in a Long Time)

    It’s sad, but true — it took infidelity for me to realise I needed to put myself first sometimes. And that doing so actually makes me a better mum, a better partner, and a healthier version of myself.

    So what did I do? I started small. I set a boundary: Wednesday afternoons are mine. When my husband gets home, I clock off. I go to a Pilates class, I skip cooking dinner, and I take a break from the bedtime routine.

    It might not sound like much, but as someone who cooks most meals, works, and is the primary caregiver — that one evening of freedom changed everything. It gave me something to look forward to and reminded me that I matter too.

    I plan to explore all of these steps more deeply in future posts. But if you have questions or need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to comment, email, or message me on social media. I’m always open to chatting — and walking alongside others on this difficult, courageous journey.

    Let’s rise together,
    Sarah xx

  • Introducing Hope After Hurt

    Hi, I’m Sarah — and this is Hope After Hurt.

    I’m a 30-something woman, wife, and mum who never imagined I’d be writing these words.

    Seven months ago, I discovered my husband — my partner of 13 years — had been unfaithful. It was the kind of moment that splits your life in two: before and after. I was devastated. I always believed that if something like this ever happened, I would walk away. But when it actually did, my decision wasn’t so clear-cut.

    I chose to stay. 

    Not out of weakness, but out of strength — for my son, for myself, and for the life I still believed we could rebuild. Staying didn’t mean forgetting, and it definitely didn’t mean excusing. It meant choosing to face the pain head-on, to ask the hard questions, to do the inner work — not just to repair a marriage, but to reclaim me.

    Because the truth is, betrayal doesn’t just break your heart — it shatters your identity. Who am I now? What do I believe? What do I deserve? These are the questions I’ve been living.

    Hope After Hurt was born from a place of wanting to find purpose in the pain. I wanted a space where I could write honestly about healing after infidelity — the good, the brutal, the confusing. A place for women like me, who never thought they’d be here either.

    This is not a highlight reel. This is the in-between. The picking-up-the-pieces. The rediscovering of self-worth. The rebuilding of trust. The moments where you wonder if you’re strong enough — and the ones where you realise you already are.

    If you’re walking through betrayal, confusion, or heartbreak — I hope this space helps you feel seen. I don’t have all the answers, but I do believe in healing, in honest conversations, and in the power of women supporting women.

    Thanks for being here. You are not alone. 

    Let’s rise together,
    Sarah xx